MamaBlogger365 - The Cycle of Bad Parenting by Lowry Manders

Okay, here it is. I feel worst about myself when I lose it with my kids. And when I'm feeling bad about myself, it is hard for me to be a good parent. The more it happens, the less I feel I'll be able to successfully change it. This is the cycle of bad parenting for me. I feel worst about myself when I seemingly go from regular Mommy to "Mommy Monster" in one breath.

The truth is that the frustration has been building inside of me until I can't take it anymore - the whining, the disobedience, the ignoring - and then I "explode", not too differently from the way my toddler handles her emotions. I feel worst about myself when the scary monster voice comes out of my mouth, startling the kids, and saying things that I wish I hadn't said. (Nothing too damaging, I hope - just very unhelpful messages like "Little Boy, you better do what I say!" Phrases that are not suggested in my favorite parenting books. Words that MJ then cries about, saying, "Mommy, why did you call me 'Little Boy' when I'm not a little boy? That hurt my feelings." I've even mumbled "You're making me consider spanking. Do you know what that is?" (I didn't do it!) When I know, as I tell the kids, no one can MAKE you do anything or feel anything. YOU are in charge of yourself. Blah, blah, blah - it's so damn hard in the moment!)

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MamaBlogger365 - Sending Support and Love by Jennifer Andersen

Why is it that after so much talk, writing and sharing of the concept of stay at home parenting so many of us still feel so alone? Many of our partners still do not get it and sometimes even blame us for the emotional disturbances of our children.

I was reminded of this recently when at a play space, a woman shared with me that her son had been “kicked out of preschool” the day before. She teared as she told me about the toll that it is taking on her marriage and how, though he tries not to, her husband blames her, because she is at home with her son. She also has a nine-month-old daughter. She shared with me that oftentimes she thinks that if she had had two of her son she surely would be residing “on a funny farm” instead of sharing her woes with me. She spoke of being embarrassed, shunned and bewildered. Going back to work is her desire, but she doesn’t want anyone else to raise her children. She spoke of the envy she felt toward her husband, for going to work daily and accomplishing things, for being able to grab lunch when he wants, and use the bathroom alone. Read more...

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Photo credit Mary R. Vogt | MorgueFile.