MamaBlogger365 - Mommy Queerest by Kimberly Dark

“You guys just never modeled any heterosexual double dating, so I’m still figuring it out,” said my son Caleb as he relayed his recent experience with his girlfriend and another male/female couple. And this was no mere dinner-date. The two couples went away for the weekend -- and apparently their destination was the Land of Unexamined Gender Roles.

Especially now that he’s in college, my son offers a perspective on queer parenting that I could never muster on my own. I appreciate his views, and thankfully, he’s not usually crippled by his lack of hetero-socialization. We were quirky in other ways, of course, and quite mainstream in a load of circumstances, too. And, call me optimistic, but I’d like to think that growing up in a queer family was a good thing. I think my son has a broader awareness of possibility than most. After all, not everyone gets to grow up in a family where genders and gender roles are just spread out like a magician’s deck, where the mother wears a big theatrical grin as she cajoles, ‘Come on, pick a card!’

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MamaBlogger365 - Mommy Queerest by Kimberly Dark

Always Let ‘Em See You Cry

My son, like a lot of men, doesn’t cry easily. On rare occasion, he does it though. Things affect him deeply and I’m grateful for that. It’s not big news that by the time a boy becomes a man, the tears don’t come as easy as they do for most women. Crying is not the only way to signal deep feeling, but it’s one way. Letting others see you cry is vulnerable – it can make the pain feel worse to have it witnessed. Sometimes, if we make conscious connections with other openhearted folks, witness eases pain.

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MamaBlogger365 - Mommy Queerest by Kimberly Dark

Butches, Bullies and Community

Little kids take reality as it comes. They know what they feel and something like appearance only becomes a problem when someone makes it one. Until they reach school and the socialization of the big media-world, it doesn’t matter if mom is pretty or if dad is tall or even if the genders match up. It matters that they feel loved and cared for.

I was privileged to attend the Butch Voices (www.butchvoices.com) conference last weekend in Oakland, CA. This event, begun in 2009, celebrates and explores the lives of those who identify themselves as butch, masculine of center, aggressive, boi, dominant, trans – and a host of other terms I may not even know. Individuals seem to use whichever term they first found in a community that cared for them – that varies by time period, race, class, and education. Loads of things affect the language with which we're most comfortable. One of the important things people at this conference seemed to offer one another was an understanding that the dominant culture can be brutal to those who don’t fit it. So they offered each other support and revelry – because being different is also really fantastic. Kindred outsiders have a lot of wisdom to share.

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our September POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.

M.O.M. is now OPEN in NYC! Visit us -- MuseumOfMotherhood.org for details!

Photo credit: mzacha|MorgueFile

MamaBlogger365 - Mommy Queerest by Kimberly Dark

How Many Parents Do You Have?

My son Caleb put out a quiz on his Facebook page a few years back. He set up a list of questions about his life history and esoteric quirks, and then invited friends and family to answer the questions. Who knows me best? That’s the game.

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our September POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.

Photo credit: Shoe Rack by Petr Kratochvil

MamaBlogger365 - Metamorphosis of Motherhood, FeMail Online Art Exhibit by Suzi Banks Baum and Karen Arp-Sandel

Solitude, Sorrow and the Sacred Well

© Karen Arp-Sandel, all rights reserved

Motherhood is so often about the bittersweet sensation of separation and even loss. We give birth to children and they grow up, spread their wings, and fly. We are children ourselves and just when life is running smoothly, a parent gets seriously ill or passes away before we are ready. These are the milestones experienced by humans. I wonder if they are differently experienced by women, by mothers? The transformation of our mothering as we move through time traces deep tracks of joy and grief in to our souls. We have hoped and prayed, celebrated and wept over our parents and our children. And we stand strong with and for them as they create the future.

View this week's complete exhibit at the Museum Of Motherhood blog.

Come to FeMailArt.com to view an online gallery and discussion of the mail art collaboration between Karen Arp-Sandel and Suzi Banks Baum. You can also see more about this exhibit at MotherhoodMuseum.org.

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