Friday, September 23, 2011

MamaBlogger365 - The Cycle of Bad Parenting by Lowry Manders

Okay, here it is. I feel worst about myself when I lose it with my kids. And when I'm feeling bad about myself, it is hard for me to be a good parent. The more it happens, the less I feel I'll be able to successfully change it. This is the cycle of bad parenting for me. I feel worst about myself when I seemingly go from regular Mommy to "Mommy Monster" in one breath.

The truth is that the frustration has been building inside of me until I can't take it anymore - the whining, the disobedience, the ignoring - and then I "explode", not too differently from the way my toddler handles her emotions. I feel worst about myself when the scary monster voice comes out of my mouth, startling the kids, and saying things that I wish I hadn't said. (Nothing too damaging, I hope - just very unhelpful messages like "Little Boy, you better do what I say!" Phrases that are not suggested in my favorite parenting books. Words that MJ then cries about, saying, "Mommy, why did you call me 'Little Boy' when I'm not a little boy? That hurt my feelings." I've even mumbled "You're making me consider spanking. Do you know what that is?" (I didn't do it!) When I know, as I tell the kids, no one can MAKE you do anything or feel anything. YOU are in charge of yourself. Blah, blah, blah - it's so damn hard in the moment!)

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