MamaBlogger365 - What are your holiday “Rituals”? by Lowry Manders

Lowry Manders' gift to all of us is her special Friday series on connecting with our families during the holiday season.

I teach a parenting class on “Using the 3 R’s: Routine, Rituals, and Repetition” for creating brain and family connections. This is a great time of year to make your own family rituals, re-use some from your childhood, or use ours! While the goal of routine for kids is providing consistency, and therefore a sense of security, rituals are all about making authentic connections as you go about your routines. In a religious setting, rituals turn the ordinary into the sacred (crackers into the “body of Christ”, water into the power of the “Holy Spirit”).

In our everyday lives, rituals also help to usher in sacred moments out of ordinary ones. They do this by connecting us with the spirit of another person through touch, through laughter, through song, through play. And what I learn over and over about the power of rituals is that they are not only good for the kids, they are good for me. They help me to see my kids in a positive light. They foster warm and fuzzy feelings. They give us “good things” at the end of the day.

 I’d like to share with you some of the holiday “rituals” my family enjoys: simple traditions that connect us as a family, everyday things you can do to create meaningful moments in your daily routine this time of year. These are things you can do to re-connect even when things are “breaking down” with the \”Count-down\” list The carriage ride got cancelled, the cookies burned, the kids are fighting over the wrapping paper! But it’s not too late to connect...


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MamaBlogger365 - Holiday “Check-Up”: Tips for a Stress-Free Season by Lowry Manders

Ellie loves to arrange the holiday window gels /
 © Lowry Manders, all rights reserved.

We're grateful to Lowry Manders for the gift of her special every-Friday holiday series! Read on to make the most of this time of year with your family!


Time for your Holiday “Check-Up”! Are you surviving? Are your children surviving? Does it feel like:

a) The most “wonderful” time of the year? (Are you just GLOWING in the magic and wonder and Christmas lights, the warmth of family and friends? Good for you.)

b) The most stressful, chaotic time of the year? (Is the extra pressure causing you to get a little “Grinch-y”, snapping at your children and loved ones?) or is it…

c) The most depressing time of the year for you? (Does all the cheer and jolliness just accentuate some loss or broken relationship, some wounded, empty place in your heart?)

My guess is, your answer might be: d) all of the above. It’s normal to experience some combination of these emotions, depending on the day, on they year, on your sleep status, on your cycle! During the holiday season, it strikes me that our society bombards us with an impossible juxtaposition of expectations, especially if you are a mom. We are expected to provide and create Norman Rockwell-like meaningful moments with our loved ones, especially our children, in an effort to achieve option “a”, even while checking off an enormous to-do list amidst the “hustle and bustle”. Or do we expect this of ourselves?

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MamaBlogger365 - Counting to Christmas: 25 Ways to Count Down with your Kids! by Lowry Manders

Christmas-time is about being together. It’s about simple joys. And for children, it’s about PRESENTS! (Oops, did I say “presents”? I meant MAGIC! As parents, it’s our job to make in NOT just about presents.)

Really, Christmas, in many ways, is a reminder of how LIFE should be, not just a 25-day period. But, while it’s here, you might as well practice making magical, meaningful moments every day because... they do grow up so fast, just like we did. Don’t you remember the magic and wonder? I do.

I remember some of the presents (like the remote-control blimp that got caught by a wind and blown to Mexico on it’s maiden voyage, and the Cabbage Patch kid that my parents had my uncle in Mississippi stand in line for because they were all sold out in Texas), but most of my memories are of being with my family and doing special things together. One of the “rituals” our family started last year is “Counting to Christmas“, starting on December 1st.

This ritual was inspired in part by one of our favorite books, Counting To Christmas by Nancy Tafuri (read about it and 14 other faves in my post, 15 Great Christmas Books for Kids). It was also inspired by the tradition of our former apartment neighbors, a dear German family. They hang 25 small wrapped gifts from a pulley in the living room for each child, and they lower it every day to receive a small gift, helping to cut-down on the BIG expectations for the 25th day.

We mix it up. Some days it’s a family outing, sometimes just a dollar store gadget, sometimes a clue to indicate a special activity. My kids each have a little Christmas tin box to open every day with the gift or clue inside, and on the box I tape the number to help build the anticipation. (Or you could put the clue in the number pocket of the Advent calendar.) Each morning (or evening), as I present it to them, we sing “We Three Kings… bearing gifts… ”

Do what works for you, but be intentional about including time together, time doing things for others, and time enjoying simple pleasures, like reading a new Christmas book or gazing at the tree together. Here are some ideas to get your juices flowing…

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MamaBlogger365 - On Giving Thanks by Lowry Manders

Thanksgiving is such a great time to SLOW down and enjoy some time re-connecting with your kids and family. Here are few ideas from my family to yours:

Encouraging an Attitude of Gratitude

1. "What Are You Thankful For?" I'll never forget my first fall teaching music to young children years ago. I led some little ones in a this simple song: "What are you thankful for? What are you thankful for? I'm thankful for _________, that's what I'm thankful for." We sang everyone's answers in the song. We also drew pictures of our answers. There were the sweet predictable answers like "my family", "my house", "my dog Molly", "my baby Jackson", "cookies", "my toys". Then there was little Trebor ("Robert" backwards) who said with his little gravelly 3-year-old voice, "I'm thankful for ware wolves." And he handed his mommy a nice picture of a family of ware wolves when she picked him up. When I sang the sang the same song with my kids at breakfast the other morning, Ellie genuinely answered (with no prompting), "I'm thankful for Brother." And grinning sweetly, MJ said, "I'm thankful for Ellie." Ahhhhhh! Alas, for me, the song will forevermore replay each Thanksgiving in my head, not with the voices of my children, but remembering little Trebor: "I'm thankful for ware wolves, that's what I'm thankful. for."

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MamaBlogger365 - Attention Parents of Little Girls by Lowry Manders

Attention Parents of Little Girls! (Parents of little boys, keep reading, but breathe a sigh of relief!) Food for thought... Could our obsession with everything "princess" be transmitting dangerous messages to our daughters' little brains? After all, it's during these early years when she is not only forming her sense of self, but also her impressions of the world, society, and how she fits into it. This is just one of those opportunities to reflect, and to be "intentional" about the big and small decisions you make for your children. I found this princess pic on the Internet...

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MamaBlogger365 - Snippets on Life, Love, and Laughter by Lowry Manders

A few highlights from my week as a proud "Good-Enough" Mommy!

* The children discover raspberry finger-puppets!

* Ellie, standing in her diaper on the step stool waiting for her morning toast, says to Mommy while looking and inspecting her chest, "I thought my other nipple was gone to church, but I found it. There it is!"

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MamaBlogger365 - Can you pass the "NurtureShock" Parenting Quiz? by Lowry Manders

Compare the two statements. Can you tell which one is the common, false assumption and which one is the research-based new way of thinking for parents?

1. Praise
a. If a child believes he is smart, he won’t be intimidated by new academic challenges.
b. Giving the kids the label “smart” might cause them to underperform, avoid academic risks and challenges.


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MamaBlogger365 - The Cycle of Bad Parenting by Lowry Manders

Okay, here it is. I feel worst about myself when I lose it with my kids. And when I'm feeling bad about myself, it is hard for me to be a good parent. The more it happens, the less I feel I'll be able to successfully change it. This is the cycle of bad parenting for me. I feel worst about myself when I seemingly go from regular Mommy to "Mommy Monster" in one breath.

The truth is that the frustration has been building inside of me until I can't take it anymore - the whining, the disobedience, the ignoring - and then I "explode", not too differently from the way my toddler handles her emotions. I feel worst about myself when the scary monster voice comes out of my mouth, startling the kids, and saying things that I wish I hadn't said. (Nothing too damaging, I hope - just very unhelpful messages like "Little Boy, you better do what I say!" Phrases that are not suggested in my favorite parenting books. Words that MJ then cries about, saying, "Mommy, why did you call me 'Little Boy' when I'm not a little boy? That hurt my feelings." I've even mumbled "You're making me consider spanking. Do you know what that is?" (I didn't do it!) When I know, as I tell the kids, no one can MAKE you do anything or feel anything. YOU are in charge of yourself. Blah, blah, blah - it's so damn hard in the moment!)

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MamaBlogger365 - Life Lessons from "The Help" by Lowry Manders

Read it. See it. Doesn't matter the order -- you won't be disappointed. Kathryn Stockett's "The Help" is really such a captivating story, so beautifully-told, and with so many life lessons, including lessons for parents.

Before I get to those, here's a practical lesson from my experience:

* Lesson #1: Don't forget to take a tissue or two into the theatre! I should have known this, but of course, I was running late, having stood in line for my $20 bottle of re-bottled tap water. Based on the book, I expected the movie to be quite painful to watch, but it was actually quite enjoyable. The producers have obviously taken measures to "lighten up" the story a little, but the messages remain powerful, and you still need a tissue! (Of course, I need a tissue for the the movie trailer itself, too.)

I knew I was in trouble when the very first scene had me in tears... it is the one repeated several times in the book that I will always carry with me in my parent/teacher heart....

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MamaBlogger365 - The Midnight Pony by Lowry Manders

{Here's a "blast from my past" journal entry from my summer from hell! It was July of 2009, and I was new to being a Mommy of 2 kids. I was sleep-deprived with a colicky newborn baby girl, a busy 2-year-old boy, a mostly-absent husband finishing OB/Gyn residency, I was trying to hold myself together enough to keep teaching and keep sane, and we were going stir-crazy in our messy, crowded little apartment. Here's a "night" in the life. And let me say, for the record, to all those other overwhelmed mommies in the throes of caring for more than one child in diapers..."IT... GETS... BETTER." Slow down, take a deep breath, and take in those words of hope. You will get through this.}

So, why does it seem that our children can sense those nights that we desperately NEED a good night’s sleep, and plot to foil our slumber schedules? It was the night before a long road trip with my 2-year-old Michael James and 2-month-old Ellie, a road trip without Daddy. It was the night following an exhausting day of parenting and teaching, one of those nights your head finally hits the pillow like a brick and your bed just sucks you into oblivion. And it was a night that Daddy was working at the hospital, which meant no snoring, and I get the whole bed to myself! (I secretly look forward to these nights when I can use all the pillows - even my husband’s darling “Laura” Ashley pillow - and victoriously spread out like a starfish claiming the bed as “mine, all mine!”)

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Photo credit: straight from the horse's mouth by aophotos|MorgueFile

MamaBlogger365 - They Grow Up So Quickly by Lowry Manders

Welcome to MamaBlogger365's newest biweekly contributor, Lowry Manders!


I am a parent and music teacher, a teacher of parents, a child development expert, a writer and blogger. I feel I have valuable ideas to share, funny stories from my own parenting adventures, and hopefully, thoughtful reflections that will speak to YOU as a struggling mommy, because we’re all in this together! My mission is helping families to MAKE CONNECTIONS: connections in little growing brains and emotional connections that will last a lifetime, giving young children the foundations they need to achieve their full potential, even while creating more meaningful moments for parents with their kids. I created “Parent with Purpose” classes and mommymanders.com to share practical and inspirational ideas with fellow sojourners on this important path, and to help us all to feel connected to that best parent within us.


You are invited to join Mommy Manders and "Wee Volunteer" for "Good Deeds Week", Aug. 13th-Aug. 20th, 2011. Lots of great ideas for giving back with your little ones! Check out how you can participate anytime, anywhere.

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What I know for sure... "They grow up so quickly!" "They grow up too fast...", "Time flies...", "Enjoy every moment..." - (Fill in the common aphorism about growing children, and you get the gist.)

As parents, we hear some form of this message all the time from those who've been there, done that, paved the way. And we usually nod and smile, then get back to the busy, sticky, exhausting business of parenting - "Wash your hands after you rub them all over the toilet seat...", "Sit, don't dance in the chair...", "Use your fork for the beans, not your fingers...", "Don't put ketchup on your sister's head." Are these the moments we're supposed to enjoy?

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our September POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.