MamaBlogger365 - The Beginning of Time by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

"It is amazing how one day can change the rest of your life."

This is the comment made by my twenty-six year old daughter the day after her son was born.

That day is today.

As I sit in the hospital room watching my baby girl with her new baby boy, the thoughts that run through my mind are that for Bodhi this is the beginning of time! It is as if the clock starts today for him. A new life and world to explore and develop. The idea of a new beginning is one that brings hope for the future. Bodhi has the opportunity to be whatever he was born to be, to live his true Self in the world.

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The Museum Of Motherhood is the first and only facility of its kind, celebrating the “her”story of mothers around the world. We need your help -- please make your tax-deductible contribution today!Visit the Museum of Motherhood, NOW OPEN in NYC - Tues.-Sun., 10:45-6:30.

MamaBlogger365 - Give Sorrow Words by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

February 4th will mark the 42nd anniversary of my father's death. Every year on that day, I remember the morning I awoke to the excitement of a rare event in Virginia Beach, Virginia -- snow, and then I heard the sound of my mother's voice saying "Patti, put your robe on and come downstairs."

I remember sitting at the kitchen table a short while later and being told to eat a piece of toast. I can still see that piece of toast on the plate and feel the lump in my throat that was refusing to allow the bread to pass through it. I went back to school within a week, and I recall a daze that fell over me, as I walked into a familiar setting feeling completely out of place.

I continued on with my life as I was told to do, somewhat removed from the "normal" adolescent dramas of playground fights and lost lunch money. My life seemed very different from my peers'. I wondered often why no one would talk to me about this loss. What is it really like to lose a father at the age of eleven and how does a child cope with that type of grief?

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The Museum Of Motherhood is the first and only facility of its kind, celebrating the “her”story of mothers around the world. We need your help -- please make your tax-deductible contribution today!Visit the Museum of Motherhood, NOW OPEN in NYC - Tues.-Sun., 10:45-6:30.

Photo credit: dorne | MorgueFile

MamaBlogger365 - 2012~A New Year for Mothers by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

My youngest daughter is expecting her first baby in April of 2012. As I reflect on how things have changed since her grandmother was born in 1914, I realize how far women have come in less than one hundred years.

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The Museum Of Motherhood is the first and only facility of its kind, celebrating the “her”story of mothers around the world. We need your help -- please make your tax-deductible contribution today! Visit the Museum of Motherhood, NOW OPEN in NYC - Tues.-Sun., 10:45-6:30.

MamaBlogger365 - The Shadow of the Holiday Blues by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

Even though this is the time of year that is supposed to be joyous, many people experience sadness and melancholy, or what has come to be known as the holiday blues. Studies have shown that woman suffer more than men with the holiday blues.

My book Mothering Beyond Image: Living in the Shadow of the Too-Good Mother describes five common themes that women experience as mothers. When thinking about the holiday blues, it is easy to compare the five themes in the book to the stress of this time of year. Below is a list of the five themes, how they can relate to the holidays and how bringing them out of the shadow and into the light can help beat the holiday blues.

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our autumn POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.



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NOW OPEN in NYC - Tues.-Sun., 10:45-6:30

Photo credit: cohdra|MorgueFile

MamaBlogger365 - The Martha Stewart Complex by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

When interviewing seven women for my doctoral study in 2002, one of the women mentioned the unrealistic expectations that women often put on themselves as mothers. She called it the Martha Stewart Complex. Several of the others mothers also felt that women place too high expectations on themselves, resulting in judgment of self and others and tremendous amounts of guilt and feelings of inadequacy.

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our autumn POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.

Visit the Museum of Motherhood
NOW OPEN in NYC! Tues-Sun, 10:45-6:30

Photo credit: bavejoan|MorgueFile

MamaBlogger365 - The Paradox of Parenting by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

When my children were little, I used to think that the reason parenting was so difficult was because mothers would want to hold onto the joy forever and never be able to bear the growing up. The absolute splendor of watching an infant smile, the ecstasy of watching a child take the first step, and the delight of hearing a toddler's first partial sentences makes it almost impossible not to smile.

Parenting is a paradox of joy and pain that exist simultaneously. The joy a mother feels is often happening at the same time as periods of grief, conflicts with self and others, fears of being a good parent, problems in family communication, uncertainties regarding discipline, and other challenges presented to parents.

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our September POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.


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Photo credit: toymanron|MorgueFile

MamaBlogger365 - Avalon as Motherworld: Loving and Letting Go by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

"Avalon is a motherworld. It is a shadow of patriarchal consciousness, repressed and thus feared and distorted, as are many contents of the personal or collective unconscious that are denied." Jean Shinoda-Bolen, Crossing to Avalon

The essential, but often excruciating part of mothering is the inevitable need to let our children go out into the world and make their own choices. Mothers who are able to trust and allow children to live with their own consequences are less apt to be influenced by the shadow aspects of the too-good mother. Examples of some of the unconscious aspects of letting go might include: the fear of what other people think about them as mothers when their children are not perfect; feeling rejected as children no longer value their opinions and guidance; feeling abandoned, and other challenges.

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our September POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.

Photo credit: JGS_SistersFeedingGeese by gracey|Morgue File

MamaBlogger365 - The Set of the Sails by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

“We all choose what we wish to be. No one impels us or compels us. The same wind that can blow a ship onto the rocks can blow it into safe water. It is not the wind; it is the set of the sails."

The Set of the Sails

Lori, a thirty-nine year old mother of three children ages sixteen, eleven and six, shared the above quote with me, which she paraphrased from the book Captains and the Kings by Taylor Caldwell. Lori believes that it is extremely important to teach her children how to take responsibility for their lives. She wants her children to know they are "captain of their ship."

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Support MamaBlogger365 and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011! Your tax-deductible donation in ANY amount will help us make our September POP-UP exhibit in NYC a permanent reality - visit our Members page to learn more.

Model Boat 360 by Vince Mig

MamaBlogger365 - Mothering Beyond Image: Living in the Shadow of the Too-Good Mother by Patti Ashley, Ph.D.

Please meet Patti Ashley, one of our new monthly contributors to our MamaBlogger365 project! Read on to find out more about Patti Ashley and her work, and watch for her upcoming blog pieces!

Times have changed quite a bit since my first child was born, but the questions remain the same. Am I a good mother? Am I doing the best I can for my child? How do I find the right answers to so many of my parenting questions? Am I going to ruin my child by my choices? These are only a few questions that run through the minds of many mothers today and everyday.

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